What are you doing to invest in your relationship? Think about it. Are you purposeful in spending time together, creating memories and moments that strengthen your marriage? With every effort of building your relationship, showing care and compassion, expressing love, and sharing what is most important to you, you are making an “emotional deposit”, like a deposit in your bank account. Each time you make this kind of deposit, it builds up reserves that you can draw upon when you are struggling in your marriage.
Research shows that if we, as a couple, are each responsive to our partners “bids for connection”, even in the littlest of things, we are making a deposit into their emotional bank account, creating emotional safety and connection. Being intentional with spending time together, showing interest in each other’s lives, and having fun together are some of the other ways we can make a huge difference in building up emotional reserves and strengthening the bond in your relationship.
Withdrawals from our emotional bank accounts occur when we are not responsive to our partner’s needs or as we sometime ignore bids for connection after a conflict. These withdrawals can accumulate over time, depleting the emotional reserves that can often salvage your relationship in times when you are not getting along.
This is a great article from the Gottman Institute that expands on the concept of the “Emotional Bank Account.” I encourage you to take a few minutes to read how doing this can improve your marriage.